Atuk's Condition

a part from my sis's blog,

I was woken up by the sound of my Atuk babbling this morning. He told me to keep his money for him. He rattled on, telling me how he tried to count the money but he just couldn't. He initially planned to go out to minum teh- his daily routine, but right after he get dressed and all ready to go out he felt dizzy and he realized he had no idea of the sum of money he had on him at that moment. He knew he can't count correctly anymore. He's been forgetting things since last December, i noticed, and it's getting worse each day. My granny whom i call Wan was listening to everything he said and commented, "Tuhan dah ambil balik separuh..."

If you've watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, you'll probably know how i feel right now. I almost cried while watching the movie. I used to think im not the sensitive type, but i now doubt that. The movie basically showed me one of my greatest fear- death of loved ones. I dont want to even imagine how Benjamin feels, but i reckon my empathy level is quite high, and all the way through the movie i subconsciously put myself in Benjamin's shoes. Not exactly a great one, that is.

The only good thing that came out from my Atuk's condition is that he talks more now. Atuk doesn't talk much, he usually do things on his own, minding his own business. After the condition worsen, he talked to us, although mostly out of frustration on how he tends to forget things- when he cant find the road back to the house, how a stranger in the surau tells him the extra rakaat he'd done for his solat or when he asked us where he put his belt, etc. He even cried in front of me once- just now in fact, when he told me he wanted to do the Hajj. He has the money, but im afraid with his current condition, going to Mecca isn't really best for him.

He's 84, and is suffering from a lot of medical problems but alhamdulillah, is not at the dangerous level (i hate to say this, but it's the fact)- yet. Judging from his symptoms, he may have dementia, or even Alzheimer's disease, but im no doctor and if it's true then there isn't really a cure for the disease. Few drugs can help but i think he had had enough of medications already.


The only thing that i can do for him is finding his 'missing items' and covered him with blanket when he's cold at night. How useless i am.